Hello all!

So this week, me and my horror buddies (i.e., Mom and Sister) watched three horror films. We watched a SciFi channel produced film, Lost Colony: the Legend of Roanoke, starring former Highlander: the series hottie Adrian Paul. We then watched a hilarious horror-comedy, Otis, called the “Juno for the horror set.” That was followed by Triloquist, a strangely funny, confusing film.

Lost Colony wasn’t a terrible film, though I can’t say it was a great one either. As so many have tried, the writer and director of this film tried very hard to give a reason unbelievable enough to suit the strange circumstances of the missing colony of Roanoke. The costumes were amusing. Why I find cheaply made period costumes so funny, I’m not sure, but it’s an automatic laugh for me. The only thing really going for this movie is the hottie star, Adrian Paul, who manages to keep a brave straight face the entire way through. Sometimes SciFi backs an amazing film, A or B status; but this time they miss, if only by a few inches. The premise and final reveal is intriguing enough for a viewing, but don’t be afraid to get up to answer the phone during the middle. You’ll still have a feeling for what’s going on.

I’m going to give this film 2 1/2 … well, it’d be lame to say stars, so I’ll have to think of my own personal scoring system. But it gets 2 1/2 of that. Maybe by the end of this post I’ll have my own image and everything. And the first 2 stars are for the Hottie. He earned it. Looking so good at 49 years old. Yeah. (And for the menfolk, if you can stand the woman’s whining, his wife was pretty hot too. Have no idea what her name is, but you can wiki it.)

Otis was just downright hilarious. It had just a moment or two of tenseness, giving it the smallest taste of horror, but the overwhelming flavor of comedy makes this film more comedy-horror than horror-comedy. Starring Daniel Stern, Illeana Douglas, Ashley Johnson, Kevin Pollak and introducing Bostin Christopher as Otis. While I can’t discuss the film’s plot for fear I will give away too much, but this I can say: Otis kidnaps women and makes the mistake of kidnapping the Lawson’s (Stern and Douglas) daughter, Riley (Johnson). With an inept FBI agent doing nothing to help them, the Lawson’s take matters–and justice–into their own hands. You’ll be laughing at both the great dialogue, the strange happenings in Otis’ dungeon, and the weirder things going on in the background. Pay attention to everybody.

I’m giving this film 4 out of 5 whatever I choose to represent my movie scoring scale.

Triloquist is one of the strangest, most confusing films I’ve watched in a while that was still entertaining. While not every joke made was laugh so loud the neighbors come knocking, most were worth a few hardy chuckles. The story is never really made clear and when the film ends, you’re still not sure what just happened. But you don’t feel disappointed. The characterization of the main murderer is amazingly funny and the most outlandish, wild representative of a psycho I’ve seen recently. Surprisingly, it was a woman. And while she has the classic “abused as a child” back story, she just seems.. well.. evil at heart. And here’s another where you’ll want to pay attention to what’s going on in the background. You’re never quite sure what Dummy is doing in the shadows. Triloquist is a film about family, a wooden puppet and well… I’m still not certain.

I’m giving the creepy Dummy its own–uh–point, making this film worth 3 1/2 whatevers.

And for a special treat, a movie I am looking forward to:

Set for distribution August this year, WΔZ (A.k.A. The Killing Gene) stars Stellan Skarsgard, of the Pirates of the Caribbean series (Bootstrap Bill Turner), Melissa George and Selma Blair. It is a British thriller/horror film, about two detectives searching for a serial killer who asks the question: Will you kill who you love to save yourself? It may be good, it may be awful, but that’s the fun of watching new films.

That’s it for this week, folks. If I turned you on to something new, so be it. If not, then whatever. Enjoy watching your own films and maybe pass a clue my way?