It’s that time again. Hump Day is here again, bringing a little horror into our lives. Of course, every Wednesday is scary enough since there’s still two more days until Friday.
Today we’re watching …
So, this movie is quite hilarious. And so sweet, with a really deep meaning underneath the gore. Don’t judge a book by its cover. The crazy starts when Dale (Tyler Labine, from Reaper — an amazing cancelled TV show everyone should watch) attempts to talk to a “rich, college” girl at a gas station, and things just go downhill from there. His good friend and lifelong buddy Tucker (Alan Tudyk, from Firefly/Serenity — again amazing.. cancelled.. whatever, go watch it now!) spends most of the film encouraging and supporting Dale in his efforts to win over the sweet Allison (Katrina Bowden . . *crickets* dunno her, so.. whatevs).
Hilarity ensues when Allison’s friends lose their minds and all notion of rationality when attempting to “rescue” her from the hands of “killer hillbillies.” People die, *almost* entirely at their own hands. But, hey, Token Black Guy didn’t die first — that’s always a nice change of pace. Aside from that, not much else makes sense — unless you ascribe to the belief that college kids buy stock in their own brand of stupidity. Then you might just think its as logical as can be.
In the end, as hilarious as the movie is, it also reminds us that a cute funny fat guy is way better than a lunatic frat boy with anger issues.
Also, run with care.
Overall, the movie is funny, kind of touching, and I laughed out loud a few times. Not quite barrel rolls but a chuckle now and then is good. Really, I’ll watch anything with Alan Tudyk in it. Have you watched that guy in action?
Oh, Wash, how I miss you.
So, go forth and enjoy, derps and derpettes. It’s worth at least a viewing on Netflix Instant. (Or a buy if you’re into that type of bloody horror comedy. Not quite up to the zom-rom-com standards set by the amazing Simon Pegg, but a close third.. ish.)
Derps and Derpettes, has it been a while! Can’t believe the last time I posted was April. Well, no, actually I can quite easily believe that. Unfortunately it was around that time I discovered 9gag and lost my soul. (I am still trying to reclaim it – 9gag, she is a mean mistress.)
Also, school picked up steam (or continued at its infinitely sedate pace, whichever) and I wrote millions of essays, or at least it seemed that way. I can officially say that I am this <–> close to hating essays.
But that isn’t to say I haven’t been writing. I have been, and I even submitted something. It’s time to get this whole “writer” thing rolling again. (Sorry, le 9gag, you must give me back my souls now!) I just haven’t been blogging. Haven’t felt like I had anything to add to the conversation.
Enough with le excuses!
Suffice it to say, I’ll be blogging regularly. About what you ask? Oh, anything I feel like. Horror movies. Books. Comedies. Writing. Munchkins. It’s all up for grabs.
First, though, check this out:
My hubby swears I must be the reincarnation of the woman on the couch, third from the left. In a former life, I was a candidate for Miss Beatnik 1959. And named Patti.
Also, my photoshop skills are quite suckiest. After a couple hours, I give up trying to glue my face onto hers. It would’ve been funny, though. Oh well.
So my blogging skills are rusty. I’m going to have to get these muscles used to working again. I hope everyone clicked on the link to 9gag. I could always use a few more souls under my belt.
Til next time, when I return with a flick for “Hump Day Horror” and more blathering.
This special (belated) Hump Day Horror edition is a double shot of goretastic flavorfulness. Half Indie, Half Mainstream. A mix of your two favorite flavors: bloody and terrifying.
bloody and terrifying.. deliciously terrifying...
So let’s take this double shot straight to the head!
Hump Day Horror
Double Shot
Necromentia
Directed and Written by Perry Teo; Co-Written by Stephanie Joyce
Starring Layton Matthews as Morbius; Chad Grimes as Travis; Santiago Craig as Hagen; Zelieann Rivera as Elizabeth; Zach Cumer as Thomas; and Nathan Ginn as Mr. Skinny
For an indie film, this one isn’t bad. Fans of the genre will immediately notice a striking similarity to Clive Barker’s Hellraiser in visuals and atmosphere. The premise is interesting: a Ouija board carved into flesh has the ability to open a doorway to Hell, offering a grieving man a chance to recover his lover… and that’s where the cover description ends and after about 45 minutes you realize the movie isn’t exactly all Dante’s Inferno (the game, not the poem). There is far more back story involved, and it isn’t until you reach about the hour mark that you realize the story is being told entirely backwards (alá Irréversible) and that’s when you start catching on to what’s really happening. A disgusting man is searching for his lover; a lost and still living soul seeks his brother; and a … well, that’s supposed to be the surprise part of the end, so I won’t ruin that.
But suffice it to say, the movie overall is good enough for a single-viewing, maybe even a second to understand it better, but I can’t see this film really standing the test of time. I think there was a lot left unsaid that could have really helped the film go past that line, but that’s the burden of the indie film. Low budget done well can be really good, but rare is the low budget film that will last a lifetime.
The best part of the film is a strange dream/hallucination (maybe more?) sequence where a dancing pig named Mr. Skinny manipulates a mentally disabled teenager. The insane song Mr. Skinny sings will definitely be an aspect that stands the test of time, as well as Chad Grimes’ performance as Travis, the living and lost soul searching for his brother. Be prepared for some intense and bloody torture scenes, some disgusting insinuations, and that crazy lullaby. Good job on the song, Mr. Teo. Really good job.
My Soul To Take
Directed by Wes Craven
Starring Max Thieriot as Adam “Bug” Hellerman; John Magaro as Alex; Denzel Whitaker as Jerome; Zena Grey as Penelope; Nick Lashaway as Brandon; Paulina Olszynski as Brittany; Jeremy Chu as Jay; Emily Meade as Fang; and Raul Esparza as Abel
For a mainstream teenage pop horror flick, this one isn’t bad, either. Craven is certainly showing that he hasn’t lost his skills. The film is filled with tension from beginning to nearly-end. Unfortunately, for the experienced movie-goer (and plot-writer), the ending is fairly easy to spot, but it’s not too hard to suspend your instinct to keep enjoying the movie anyway. The best part is in the beginning, when the original Riverton Ripper is acting out his .. possession? mental illness? hallucinations? Something like that. Either way, it’s a pretty good scene and well-acted by Raul Esparza. Later in the film, “Bug” has similar scenes and Max Thieriot does the scenes justice as well.
The movie is fairly straightforward. The idea is that there was once this bad guy who swore he’d be back for revenge, and 16 years later to the day, the day turns bloody. Seven kids born that night, one of whom has inherited the soul of the murderer, and no one can be quite sure who it really is. There’s an interesting sub-plot that could have been better developed. Another member of this “group,” Emily Meade as Fang, is revealed to be a crucial character only near the end, and you wonder how she ended up as the school’s female Godfather, running the “Mean Girls + One Idiot Jock Mafia.” Aside from the main character, Fang is the next most interesting character and could have used more development, but it is understandable. There’s only 2 hours and how much can Craven really fit in?
At the very least, the film isn’t Craven’s attempt at a “Jennifer’s Body” type of teenager flick, with some hot girls titillating the movie audience. It’s a sound film with a solid plot that might be obvious at times, but is enjoyable in the end. It’s also not a movie likely to last a lifetime, but it is a fun watch on a stormy spring evening. You might even jump at the shadows when it’s over. Maybe.
For a second opinion on Necromentia, try this review at QuietEarth and for another on My Soul To Take, try RottenTomatoes.
Final Tally
Necromentia Three Bloody Hearts
My Soul To Take Three and a Half Bloody Hearts
Well, perhaps not the end of the world. At least, not until December 21, 2012. (By the way, my apologies for that link. It was uncalled for. Try this one instead. It will hopefully be more to your liking.)
Unfortunately, while I’m still holding out hopes for a Zombie Apocalypse in 2012, I’m not really counting on it either. In the mean time, I am getting busy working on my bachelor’s degree. (It’s only been 9 years. About darned time I got started!) I’m getting my degree in Creative Writing and English online, and part of why I’ve been absent. School has been great, if a lot of busy work. (I write a LOT of essays!) But as I’ve started to get things balanced, it’s time to get back into the step of things.
Some updates since my last post:
I’ve moved once again. We’re stationed in yet another small Texas town, and moving has certainly been its own brand of fun. My poor, poor babies have been overturned and hauled around again. Those long-suffering books of mine, which had just gotten comfortable on their shelves, had to be packed up and moved again. Oh, yeah, and everybody else, too. I can say this honestly… I hate moving. I’ll probably start looking forward to it again in a few years, but for now, I’m glad to be getting comfortable again.
Getting comfortable again, adjusting to this new much busier schedule of mine, does include writing! Wait, let’s do that with a little more celebratory attitude…
I‘M WRITING!
Also I’ve got some plans in the works. Secret, world conquering plans. Which I will divulge at a later date. But just know the blueprints exist for domination. And domination it will be.
On the horror movie review front, I’ve got some reviews lined up, like: Necromentia, The Last Exorcism, Shutter, My Soul to Take, and I Sell the Dead. There will be others as they roll in, some new and some old. All with a touch of my individual brand of humor. (Flavored crazy, touched up with short and sweet.) Time for some Hump Day Horror with some Double Doses.
There’s book reviews in store, some free fiction, and a whole site overhaul. Keep an eye out for things to come! But with that in mind… it’s mid-terms, and I’ve got homework!
Random Truths I Should Never Admit to on the Internet #193
While wasting my time connecting with people on FB, in my mind I make car revving noises (vroom, vroom), and squealing brakes (eerrr@!!) when I begin an earnest session of drive-by status commenting… and/or updating my own status. Also and/or not including repetition of random words “like likety like like” and “status statusy.. status statusy..” Is my insanity showing?
I know it’s been a bit since my last post . . . . . . but that’s Life. The kids are doing fantastic at school. The boy has entered first grade and is impressing his teachers. The girl is finally a Kindergartener, and her teacher has already sworn to never let her advance to first grade. She loves that girl too much!! As a family we’re doing amazingly well with our transition to Texas, and things couldn’t be better.
That said, I could still be blogging and writing more often.
To renew my dessicated website and writing career, let’s pump it full of life-giving primeval ooze and other substances with the consistency of pudding. Starting with a new feature:
Hump Day Horror
With my husband’s new schedule, the old Saturday Night Horror Fest is out. He gets every weekend off, and since he works 4 or 5 graveyard shifts during the week, I am not taking my precious evening time away for a horror fest on Saturday. It’s going to become a Wednesday night thing. I’m going to try to review newer movies, but if I’m short on time (or Netflix is slow), I’ll be giving a taste of the old, too.
This week, to peak your interest, I’m offering my thoughts on The Human Centipede. Which is coincidental to a story I’m currently working on, featuring none other than a crazy German doctor. Odd, no?
*Spoiler Possibility Alert*
Many apologies, but there could be spoilers below.
Taking notes as the film began to roll, I noted a feeling of trepidation, apprehension. Having seen the trailer previously, I knew the basic plot: a German doctor decides to make his fantasy of flesh a reality by creating the first Siamese triplet connected by the gastric system, or in other words – the human centipede. (100% medically accurate, as the tagline informs us.) As much as the thought intrigued me, it was also completely disgusting and I really wasn’t looking forward to that part. Not even in a “I like to watch sick horrific things,” because really… I don’t. I can enjoy visceral, grotesque horror occasionally, but most times my preferences lie in atmospheric horror that keeps you jumping for hours afterward, not hawking up your lunch.
I realized, then, that the reason I’m watching this movie is out of curiosity. I already know what the doctor does; I have an insatiable need to know why.
Disappointingly enough, the creators never really examine what event or idea took hold of Herr Doktor that led him to kidnap and mutilate 3 human beings in such a way. There’s a mild suggestion of his past as a former Siamese separator, and that he has now decided to . . . make a Siamese . . . triplet? I know. It seems a stretch. He does explain his plans, and there may have been a tiny amount of exposition as well, when he’s making his presentation to the victims — uh — test subjects, but it was covered in a ton of Japanese and subtitles. He could barely be heard over A’s racket, and any exposition is tossed into the wind.
Featuring a nearly unknown cast, which isn’t always a bad thing, but here the storyline and graphic nature of the film could have benefited from better acting. The most memorable characters were Doctor Heiter and Katsuro/A, the lead segment. B, the second segment, or middle piece, Lindsay, would fall next on the list, with Jenny, the tail, falling dead last as the worst actor in the bunch. Her emotions were dead pan and she lacked any believable lines, and truly, as the viewer you’re feeling a little guilty and grateful that she got her comeuppance in the end. The same could be said for Lindsay, whose only saving grace is that she doesn’t reveal herself to be an 8 year old who got her hands on some human growth hormones to appear 20-ish.
As far as characterization goes, the only worthwhile character is Katsuro. Having very little time for exposition, his character is still revealed as a leader, both strong and stubborn. He is unwilling to silently obey and works diligently, always seeking that opportunity for escape. The Doctor, while an interesting character, is never given a chance to fully present himself. We see him only in small snippets as the man, and most always as The Doctor.
Creepy Alert: Level RED
This keeps his Creepy-Factor high, but since the movie is lacking in meaning already and is just another form of torture-porn, a little more ambiance and presence may have helped salvage the movie’s disturbing lack of substance. The actor playing The Doctor truly does make the character, however. His ability to look upon his subjects as a loving father would look upon his children, but as though he’d decide to finally cook them for dinner and teach them about having mouths to feed, is one of the more truly disturbing moments. The two girls seemed written in a way to deliberately have the viewer think they deserved their fate, if not at the least dislike them as people. This was a blatant attempt to trick the viewer on the writer’s part, and as a one who has already set aside my disbelief to partake in a film about a mad German doctor performing risky and highly unlikely surgery (much less the acrobatics not revealed later in how he transported these delicately attached bodies) for seemingly no real reason at all aside from his own personal aesthetics, I do not enjoy being shown a crappy sleight of hand illusion.
I could begin to list the sadly large amount of plot holes that will be extremely obvious during viewing, but this review seems to be getting long enough as it is. Just play “Spot the Stupidity” while you watch, and then categorize if it is an oversight on the writer’s part or the director’s. It is a fun game.
Ultimately, I spent the first half wondering why the Doctor performs this catastrophic and debilitating surgery, and the other contemplating the various surgeries the victims would need to fix their bodies if they survived. Very little time was spent on wondering about the characters, their suffering, or even the Human Centipede itself. The novelty of a “human centipede” quickly lost its appeal.
There are very few reasons to see this film. Everything is pretty much covered in the trailer, and about 10 minutes after the surgery takes place, the grotesqueness of the situation becomes droll, and you’re looking forward to the end. I would advise wasting money, or the hour and a half to watch it, only if you’re truly curious about what a human centipede would look like crawling around, and … that’s about it.
