Today we’re watching …

So, this movie is quite hilarious. And so sweet, with a really deep meaning underneath the gore. Don’t judge a book by its cover. The crazy starts when Dale (Tyler Labine, from Reaper — an amazing cancelled TV show everyone should watch) attempts to talk to a “rich, college” girl at a gas station, and things just go downhill from there. His good friend and lifelong buddy Tucker (Alan Tudyk, from Firefly/Serenity — again amazing.. cancelled.. whatever, go watch it now!) spends most of the film encouraging and supporting Dale in his efforts to win over the sweet Allison (Katrina Bowden . . *crickets* dunno her, so.. whatevs).

Hilarity ensues when Allison’s friends lose their minds and all notion of rationality when attempting to “rescue” her from the hands of “killer hillbillies.” People die, *almost* entirely at their own hands. But, hey, Token Black Guy didn’t die first — that’s always a nice change of pace. Aside from that, not much else makes sense — unless you ascribe to the belief that college kids buy stock in their own brand of stupidity. Then you might just think its as logical as can be.

In the end, as hilarious as the movie is, it also reminds us that a cute funny fat guy is way better than a lunatic frat boy with anger issues.

Also, run with care.

Overall, the movie is funny, kind of touching, and I laughed out loud a few times. Not quite barrel rolls but a chuckle now and then is good. Really, I’ll watch anything with Alan Tudyk in it. Have you watched that guy in action?

Oh, Wash, how I miss you.

So, go forth and enjoy, derps and derpettes. It’s worth at least a viewing on Netflix Instant. (Or a buy if you’re into that type of bloody horror comedy. Not quite up to the zom-rom-com standards set by the amazing Simon Pegg, but a close third.. ish.)

Also, school picked up steam (or continued at its infinitely sedate pace, whichever) and I wrote millions of essays, or at least it seemed that way. I can officially say that I am this <–> close to hating essays.

But that isn’t to say I haven’t been writing. I have been, and I even submitted something. It’s time to get this whole “writer” thing rolling again. (Sorry, le 9gag, you must give me back my souls now!) I just haven’t been blogging. Haven’t felt like I had anything to add to the conversation.

Enough with le excuses!

Suffice it to say, I’ll be blogging regularly. About what you ask? Oh, anything I feel like. Horror movies. Books. Comedies. Writing. Munchkins. It’s all up for grabs.

First, though, check this out:

My hubby swears I must be the reincarnation of the woman on the couch, third from the left. In a former life, I was a candidate for Miss Beatnik 1959. And named Patti.

Also, my photoshop skills are quite suckiest. After a couple hours, I give up trying to glue my face onto hers. It would’ve been funny, though. Oh well.

So my blogging skills are rusty. I’m going to have to get these muscles used to working again. I hope everyone clicked on the link to 9gag. I could always use a few more souls under my belt.

Til next time, when I return with a flick for “Hump Day Horror” and more blathering.

- le Weird One

First, I absolutely adore the works of Brian Lumley. When I was 13(ish), my stepfather introduced me to the Necroscope, and I was forever in love.

Pictured: True Love

Lumley has an amazing writing style, and one day I will have to pour my thoughts about him (and others) into a blog all his own. Suffice it to say, he’s a fantastic writer and his approach his all his own.

In terms of the book at hand, Lumley takes on the Old Ones, fathered by H. P. Lovecraft. The style in which both The Burrowers Beneath and The Transition of Titus Crow are written is very reminiscent of Lovecraft. While the vocabulary is updated (but mind you, it’s still dated by our 2011 standards considering both were originally written prior to 1975) from the words used by Lovecraft and crew, the Titus Crow books are permeated by the atmosphere and power locked within the pages of such masterpieces as The Shadow Over Innsmouth and The Call of Cthulhu.

The title character, Titus Crow, is completely Lumley’s creation. Unlike many of the fragile-minded protagonists in Lovecraft’s work, usually left doddering as insanity soaked them through, Lumley’s characters are made of sterner stuff. Lumley is quoted as saying:

I have trouble relating to people who faint at the hint of a bad smell. A meep or glibber doesn’t cut it with me. (I love meeps and glibbers, don’t get me wrong, but I go looking for what made them!) That’s the main difference between my stories…and HPL’s. My guys fight back. Also, they like to have a laugh along the way.

I can’t help but relate to this thinking. I know as much as I enjoy Lovecraft’s work, I still feel a little letdown that humanity isn’t able to put up a better fight.

But that’s not what’s going to happen in this book! Not with a main character who looks like this –>

That is one awesome moustache and beard combination. One that will defeat Cthulhu!

I will be honest, though. I read the book last August, so it has been a while. That said, a lot has stuck with me. Crow has some amazing adventures in Transition, including encounters with the Hounds of Tyndalos, travels to new worlds and dimensions, spending an exorbitant amount of time lost among the space time continuum and more.

The Burrower’s Beneath, quite frankly, was amazing. Fraught with tension, and of the can’t-be-put-down-all-night quality that can be so hard to find in books today, The Burrower’s Beneath is not only readable despite its dated language, but enjoyable beyond measure.

Also, there was one bit that prompted me to actually write a note for my own devices. While I’m certain I’ve seen this method used before, it never quite set off the flash bulb in my brain enough for what it does to sink in. Here, within the delicate folds of Titus Crow, I had an Eureka Moment.

Pictured: Eureka – House Style

Whether to save room for stories in the future, while tantalizing readers today, or whatever his reasons, there are a few sections of Transition that are elliptical’d. Quite a bit. Leaving delicious bits exposed for the reader’s taste buds, while hiding the juicier heft to our imagination. I must say that while it left me a little frustrated and wanting to know more, I found it overall a wonderful way of teasing me to the point of … extreme satisfaction … but not quite getting me there in the end. Which leaves the rest of the novel to satisfy my hungry demands.

Titus Crow does just that. Overall, if you’re a fan of Lovecraft, it is extremely like you’ll enjoy this book, among Lumley’s many other takes on the Cthulu Mythos. If you’re not a fan of Lovecraft, reading this will make you one, or at the least curious enough to seek out the original.

Head on over to Amazon and pick up Titus Crow today!

bloody and terrifying.. deliciously terrifying...

So let’s take this double shot straight to the head!

Hump Day Horror

Double Shot

Necromentia

Directed  and Written by Perry Teo; Co-Written by Stephanie Joyce

Starring Layton Matthews as Morbius; Chad Grimes as Travis; Santiago Craig as Hagen; Zelieann Rivera as Elizabeth; Zach Cumer as Thomas; and Nathan Ginn as Mr. Skinny

For an indie film, this one isn’t bad. Fans of the genre will immediately notice a striking similarity to Clive Barker’s Hellraiser in visuals and atmosphere. The premise is interesting: a Ouija board carved into flesh has the ability to open a doorway to Hell, offering a grieving man a chance to recover his lover… and that’s where the cover description ends and after about 45 minutes you realize the movie isn’t exactly all Dante’s Inferno (the game, not the poem). There is far more back story involved, and it isn’t until you reach about the hour mark that you realize the story is being told entirely backwards (alá Irréversible) and that’s when you start catching on to what’s really happening. A disgusting man is searching for his lover; a lost and still living soul seeks his brother; and a … well, that’s supposed to be the surprise part of the end, so I won’t ruin that.

But suffice it to say, the movie overall is good enough for a single-viewing, maybe even a second to understand it better, but I can’t see this film really standing the test of time. I think there was a lot left unsaid that could have really helped the film go past that line, but that’s the burden of the indie film. Low budget done well can be really good, but rare is the low budget film that will last a lifetime.

The best part of the film is a strange dream/hallucination (maybe more?) sequence where a dancing pig named Mr. Skinny manipulates a mentally disabled teenager. The insane song Mr. Skinny sings will definitely be an aspect that stands the test of time, as well as Chad Grimes’ performance as Travis, the living and lost soul searching for his brother. Be prepared for some intense and bloody torture scenes, some disgusting insinuations, and that crazy lullaby. Good job on the song, Mr. Teo. Really good job.

My Soul To Take

Directed by Wes Craven

Starring Max Thieriot as Adam “Bug” Hellerman; John Magaro as Alex; Denzel Whitaker as Jerome; Zena Grey as Penelope; Nick Lashaway as Brandon; Paulina Olszynski as Brittany; Jeremy Chu as Jay; Emily Meade as Fang; and Raul Esparza as Abel

For a mainstream teenage pop horror flick, this one isn’t bad, either. Craven is certainly showing that he hasn’t lost his skills. The film is filled with tension from beginning to nearly-end. Unfortunately, for the experienced movie-goer (and plot-writer), the ending is fairly easy to spot, but it’s not too hard to suspend your instinct to keep enjoying the movie anyway. The best part is in the beginning, when the original Riverton Ripper is acting out his .. possession? mental illness? hallucinations? Something like that. Either way, it’s a pretty good scene and well-acted by Raul Esparza. Later in the film, “Bug” has similar scenes and Max Thieriot does the scenes justice as well.

The movie is fairly straightforward. The idea is that there was once this bad guy who swore he’d be back for revenge, and 16 years later to the day, the day turns bloody. Seven kids born that night, one of whom has inherited the soul of the murderer, and no one can be quite sure who it really is. There’s an interesting sub-plot that could have been better developed. Another member of this “group,” Emily Meade as Fang, is revealed to be a crucial character only near the end, and you wonder how she ended up as the school’s female Godfather, running the “Mean Girls + One Idiot Jock Mafia.” Aside from the main character, Fang is the next most interesting character and could have used more development, but it is understandable. There’s only 2 hours and how much can Craven really fit in?

At the very least, the film isn’t Craven’s attempt at a “Jennifer’s Body” type of teenager flick, with some hot girls titillating the movie audience. It’s a sound film with a solid plot that might be obvious at times, but is enjoyable in the end. It’s also not a movie likely to last a lifetime, but it is a fun watch on a stormy spring evening. You might even jump at the shadows when it’s over. Maybe.

For a second opinion on Necromentia, try this review at QuietEarth and for another on My Soul To Take, try RottenTomatoes.

Final Tally
Necromentia     Three Bloody Hearts
       My Soul To Take     Three and a Half Bloody Hearts

Well, perhaps not the end of the world. At least, not until December 21, 2012. (By the way, my apologies for that link. It was uncalled for. Try this one instead. It will hopefully be more to your liking.)

Unfortunately, while I’m still holding out hopes for a Zombie Apocalypse in 2012, I’m not really counting on it either. In the mean time, I am getting busy working on my bachelor’s degree. (It’s only been 9 years. About darned time I got started!) I’m getting my degree in Creative Writing and English online, and part of why I’ve been absent. School has been great, if a lot of busy work. (I write a LOT of essays!) But as I’ve started to get things balanced, it’s time to get back into the step of things.

Some updates since my last post:

I’ve moved once again. We’re stationed in yet another small Texas town, and moving has certainly been its own brand of fun. My poor, poor babies have been overturned and hauled around again. Those long-suffering books of mine, which had just gotten comfortable on their shelves, had to be packed up and moved again. Oh, yeah, and everybody else, too. I can say this honestly… I hate moving. I’ll probably start looking forward to it again in a few years, but for now, I’m glad to be getting comfortable again.

Getting comfortable again, adjusting to this new much busier schedule of mine, does include writing! Wait, let’s do that with a little more celebratory attitude…

I‘M WRITING!

Also I’ve got some plans in the works. Secret, world conquering plans. Which I will divulge at a later date. But just know the blueprints exist for domination. And domination it will be.

On the horror movie review front, I’ve got some reviews lined up, like: Necromentia, The Last Exorcism, Shutter, My Soul to Take, and I Sell the Dead. There will be others as they roll in, some new and some old. All with a touch of my individual brand of humor. (Flavored crazy, touched up with short and sweet.) Time for some Hump Day Horror with some Double Doses.

There’s book reviews in store, some free fiction, and a whole site overhaul. Keep an eye out for things to come! But with that in mind… it’s mid-terms, and I’ve got homework!

Random Truths I Should Never Admit to on the Internet #193

While wasting my time connecting with people on FB, in my mind I make car revving noises (vroom, vroom), and squealing brakes (eerrr@!!) when I begin an earnest session of drive-by status commenting… and/or updating my own status. Also and/or not including repetition of random words “like likety like like” and “status statusy.. status statusy..” Is my insanity showing?

 

 

 

That said, I could still be blogging and writing more often.

To renew my dessicated website and writing career, let’s pump it full of life-giving primeval ooze and other substances with the consistency of pudding. Starting with a new feature:

Hump Day Horror

With my husband’s new schedule, the old Saturday Night Horror Fest is out. He gets every weekend off, and since he works 4 or 5 graveyard shifts during the week, I am not taking my precious evening time away for a horror fest on Saturday. It’s going to become a Wednesday night thing. I’m going to try to review newer movies, but if I’m short on time (or Netflix is slow), I’ll be giving a taste of the old, too.

This week, to peak your interest, I’m offering my thoughts on The Human Centipede. Which is coincidental to a story I’m currently working on, featuring none other than a crazy German doctor. Odd, no?

*Spoiler Possibility Alert*

Many apologies, but there could be spoilers below.

Taking notes as the film began to roll, I noted a feeling of trepidation, apprehension. Having seen the trailer previously, I knew the basic plot: a German doctor decides to make his fantasy of flesh a reality by creating the first Siamese triplet connected by the gastric system, or in other words – the human centipede. (100% medically accurate, as the tagline informs us.) As much as the thought intrigued me, it was also completely disgusting and I really wasn’t looking forward to that part. Not even in a “I like to watch sick horrific things,” because really… I don’t. I can enjoy visceral, grotesque horror occasionally, but most times my preferences lie in atmospheric horror that keeps you jumping for hours afterward, not hawking up your lunch.

I realized, then, that the reason I’m watching this movie is out of curiosity. I already know what the doctor does; I have an insatiable need to know why.

Disappointingly enough, the creators never really examine what event or idea took hold of Herr Doktor that led him to kidnap and mutilate 3 human beings in such a way. There’s a mild suggestion of his past as a former Siamese separator, and that he has now decided to . . . make a Siamese . . . triplet? I know. It seems a stretch. He does explain his plans, and there may have been a tiny amount of exposition as well, when he’s making his presentation to the victims — uh — test subjects, but it was covered in a ton of Japanese and subtitles. He could barely be heard over A’s racket, and any exposition is tossed into the wind.

Featuring a nearly unknown cast, which isn’t always a bad thing, but here the storyline and graphic nature of the film could have benefited from better acting. The most memorable characters were Doctor Heiter and Katsuro/A, the lead segment. B, the second segment, or middle piece, Lindsay, would fall next on the list, with Jenny, the tail, falling dead last as the worst actor in the bunch. Her emotions were dead pan and she lacked any believable lines, and truly, as the viewer you’re feeling a little guilty and grateful that she got her comeuppance in the end. The same could be said for Lindsay, whose only saving grace is that she doesn’t reveal herself to be an 8 year old who got her hands on some human growth hormones to appear 20-ish.

As far as characterization goes, the only worthwhile character is Katsuro. Having very little time for exposition, his character is still revealed as a leader, both strong and stubborn. He is unwilling to silently obey and works diligently, always seeking that opportunity for escape. The Doctor, while an interesting character, is never given a chance to fully present himself. We see him only in small snippets as the man, and most always as The Doctor.

Creepy Alert: Level RED

This keeps his Creepy-Factor high, but since the movie is lacking in meaning already and is just another form of torture-porn, a little more ambiance and presence may have helped salvage the movie’s disturbing lack of substance. The actor playing The Doctor truly does make the character, however. His ability to look upon his subjects as a loving father would look upon his children, but as though he’d decide to finally cook them for dinner and teach them about having mouths to feed, is one of the more truly disturbing moments. The two girls seemed written in a way to deliberately have the viewer think they deserved their fate, if not at the least dislike them as people. This was a blatant attempt to trick the viewer on the writer’s part, and as a one who has already set aside my disbelief to partake in a film about a mad German doctor performing risky and highly unlikely surgery (much less the acrobatics not revealed later in how he transported these delicately attached bodies) for seemingly no real reason at all aside from his own personal aesthetics, I do not enjoy being shown a crappy sleight of hand illusion.

I could begin to list the sadly large amount of plot holes that will be extremely obvious during viewing, but this review seems to be getting long enough as it is. Just play “Spot the Stupidity” while you watch, and then categorize if it is an oversight on the writer’s part or the director’s. It is a fun game.

Ultimately, I spent the first half wondering why the Doctor performs this catastrophic and debilitating surgery, and the other contemplating the various surgeries the victims would need to fix their bodies if they survived. Very little time was spent on wondering about the characters, their suffering, or even the Human Centipede itself. The novelty of a “human centipede” quickly lost its appeal.

There are very few reasons to see this film. Everything is pretty much covered in the trailer, and about 10 minutes after the surgery takes place, the grotesqueness of the situation becomes droll, and you’re looking forward to the end. I would advise wasting money, or the hour and a half to watch it, only if you’re truly curious about what a human centipede would look like crawling around, and … that’s about it.

Starring:

Dieter Laser as Doctor Heiter

Ashley C. Williams as Lindsay

Ashlynn Yennie as Jennie

Akihiro Kitamura as Katsuro

I give the film two and a half screams out of five.

For other opinions on the film, check out:

THC @ Rotten Tomatoes

THC @ Metacritic

THC @ AllMovie

Don’t forget the awesome (and totally not a 3 minute spoiler)  trailer:

File this under more likely to scare you than The Human Centipede:

I figure a good ol’ Texan greetin’ be a mighty fine way of startin’ this here bloggin’ thing-a-ma-jig.

But, since I can’t keep up that Texan accent for the entire course, let’s just move ahead now.

I’ve been debating for a couple days now what to blog about. I’d considered Research and Writing; also Getting Back in the Groove; and a few other miscellaneous writing focused topics. But that didn’t seem to suit my style. Much less do I feel writing a blog about writing excuses me from my writing-absence. (I dare not refer to the time I haven’t been writing as a vacation; it deserves no such excuses.)

I’ve settled for telling an embarrassing anecdote from my personal life. It’s made a couple rounds, proven itself a hilarious tale, so let’s start, shall we?

To set the mood…

Excuse me, Ma’am…

The day was bright, unexceptional in East Texas. I had to run by the grocery store, pick up a few items.

As I’m wandering the aisles, I noticed a man had eyed me. Smiled as I walked past even and said “Hi.” I nodded and said “Hello” back. (I try to be very polite.)

After checking out, I stopped by the Blockbuster Express Box (similar to Redbox, just blue instead) to find a couple movies for me and the kids to watch later while Daddy’s at work.

As I’m standing there, browsing through the listings, the same gentleman walks past, his friend standing close by. He stops and says, “Excuse me, Ma’am, I don’t do this often, but what is that you’re wearing?”

……….. PAUSE…………….

I always have to pause at this part.

For men: If you walk past a woman in a store and ask her this question, what do you mean? What answer are you expecting?

For women: If a man approaches you in a store and asks you that question, what do you think he means? What do you answer?

Now that you’ve thought about that.

………….PLAY……………..

I very casually, and after only a few seconds of hesitation reply: “A black sweater.”

Indeed.

My reply to, “Ma’am, what is that you’re wearing?” is “A black sweater.”

And mentally, I was already cataloging my other pieces of attire to round out my reply with, “Grey tank top, black pants, tennis shoes, socks and under-things.” (Like I’m going to reference my under clothes in conversation with a strange man! At least, not by direct name!)

No, seriously. While I am the physical and feminine embodiment of the Absent-Minded-Professor, I am amazingly adept at cataloging those minute thoughts that pass through my mind in seconds. (I think it was the brief time I spent practicing meditation. I learned to see and hear my thoughts as they run past. Helps with keep track of story ideas, too.)

His reply….

Bent-over-clutching-belly-with-one-hand-grabbing-knees-with-the-other laughter.

And then, “Oh, sweetheart, I meant your perfume.”

In my mind was the glaring neon side: Why didn’t you just say THAT?

I replied, after pulling my mouth from the words Gray tank top, black pants, etc. “It’s just something I got at Walmart. Called Tabu.” (Or Taboo. I can’t ever seem to remember the spelling.)

While still chuckling, he says, “Well, it smells nice.” Then he leaves, a great big grin on his face. I get the movies and skedaddle as fast as short legs’ll take me.

But wait…. there’s more!

So, upon arriving in my drive way, still going over that brief conversation in my head, I keep coming back to:

1) Why didn’t the guy just say “What’s that perfume you’re wearing?”

2) How on Earth under Heaven did he smell it???????????

I started pondering whether or not men had a better sense of smell, because I sure couldn’t smell the small spritz I’d put on hours ago. There was a brief internal debate about the detection of feminine pheromones and sense of smell, and then I realized that I had a man in the house I could just ask!

A few hours later, I wake the hubby up for work and explain to him the situation at the store. I ask if men have a better sense of smell.

……….PAUSE……….

This is just for you average folk out there to really soak this in.

I seriously, very studiously, asked my husband if men had a better sense of smell since this guy at the grocery store could smell my perfume and asked me what brand it was.

Yeah.

……….PLAY…………

My wonderful husband proceeds to laugh, though a gentle chuckle followed by an embarrassed head shake.

He explains that:

1) the man was hitting on me because

2) he more than likely couldn’t smell my perfume but

3) women are usually very proud of the accessories they wear and spray on themselves and

4) perfume is an excellent method of getting a woman to talk about herself which

5) leads the woman to think a man is truly interested in her since he’s listening and not yawning and

6) might get her to either offer her number or willingly give it if he asks.

He then explains why this fails to work on me because:

1) I don’t take particular care in my choice of accessories and tend to forget what it is I’ve put on, whether earrings, bracelet, perfume, or even clothing (as in “Oh yeah, that’s the shirt I’m wearing!”) and

2) I’m naive and

3) I’m innocent.

He then reminds me of the time when I was 22 years old and while driving with him down the road remarked: I don’t know why people paint their lawns that turquoise color. It’s not realistic. Why not paint it green?

Also that he almost hit the brakes hard enough to squeal so he could stop, stare at me, then shake his head in an embarrassed way. (He did inform me at the time that it was pesticide, whereupon I called my sister to tell her that–assuming she still thought it was paint, too, who told me that No, she knew it was pesticide and had known that for a while now. *sigh* I will also freely admit that I have to restrain myself from blurting out “paint” when I see it and remind myself it’s pesticide. Ah, the pieces of youth we cling to.)

I had to ask if other women would have known the man was referring to perfume, and after performing a short survey..

Yes. Yes, they would have.

<fin>

There you have it. An extremely embarrassing story. One I will both enjoy telling and retelling for the laughs it gets, while secretly inside it’s to remind myself that when a man asks you what you’re wearing, unless he specifically asks for your brand/style of clothing, he probably means your perfume.

(I hope that video embed works!)

BTW, I’m Back in Business….

In two days I’ve written half of a short story, which I hope to complete tonight or by tomorrow afternoon. (Doing research for a, er, research project took a few hours longer than I thought it would, so I’ve been left with the option of sleeping very little or not sleeping at all–I will probably choose to get some sleep!)

I’ve got two other projects lined up and ready to start/resume as soon as I’ve finished this one. Editing another complete story before I send it out into the world once more. (It’s been rejected 3 times so far. But, hey, it has been rejected… which means I did send it out!)

I have plans to have new fiction posted to the site within the next week. (Not the current short story in the works. That one is something special. But something new, just for y’all.)

As well as more regular blogging, and a return to such prolific subjects like book/movie reviews (which earn my blog stat keep! At least 10 a day, even when I don’t blog!) and writing tips, and my specialty, funny personal anecdotes.

So, keep an eye out. I’m back in the saddle again. Ready to ride?

Random Paranoid Fear of the Day #48

Late in the Texas night, bugs begin thudding quite heavily upon the windows, attracted by the light (or two) that I can’t resist having on until I go to sleep. One day, several hundred of these bugs, particularly the big ones that don’t go “thud” –they go “THUMP”– will realize that if they synchronize their banging, they’ll crack the window and force their way in. *shivers*

Aaaaiiiieeeee!!!!!

(These, uh, pictures doing anything for ya? Let me know, huh? I put work into that, and if it just drags down the load time, I can just cut it out, yeah?)

Til next time, kiddies….

Filed under: A Day In . . ]]> http://shannawynne.com/2010/05/06/excuse-me-maam/feed/ 4 Shanna Holla! Bugs!!!!! http://shannawynne.com/2010/04/23/an-open-letter-to-comedy-central-over-the-censorship-of-south-park/ http://shannawynne.com/2010/04/23/an-open-letter-to-comedy-central-over-the-censorship-of-south-park/#comments Sat, 24 Apr 2010 01:42:19 +0000 Shanna Wynne http://shannawynne.com/?p=608 ]]> To Ms. Runyan and Others Whom It Concerns:

By today, you have noticed the enormous backlash against your broadcasting network regarding your decision to first excessively censor and then remove from both the channel and website the most recent episodes of South Park. Shortly after, previous episodes available on the website for online streaming disappeared, becoming available in weekly increments starting Saturday. I do not know if this is a regular occurrence regarding the streaming of current season episodes. I sincerely doubt that it is considering they’re going to be available in a relatively short amount of time, leaving absolutely no profitable reason for not allowing them to be streamed now.

However, much more disconcerting is that you have back tracked and removed an episode from 9 seasons ago, and not just in that you never broadcast it anymore on Comedy Central. Nor that you have just removed its availability on the website. I cannot even access this episode on my Netflix Instant on my Playstation 3 console. Where I pay for the right to instantly rent movies rather than wait for a disc in the mail. It is no different than getting the disc in the mail. I personally do not understand how or why this is a reasonable action. I can almost, if I tilt my head a little to the left, see why it would seem smart to remove it from the website, but to take such drastic action as to remove it from any possible connection to the Internet? There is only one step to go forward on this path. You may as well pull the hard copies from store shelves and eat the profit loss, because if censorship is your goal, you have surpassed everyone’s expectations.

You may think that catering to the whims of terrorists who feed on our fear, use it for their own selfish and immoral gain, is a smart way of protecting your bottom line. But obviously, it isn’t. You are only hurting yourselves. You have lost fans. There are people, hundreds of thousands, who will refuse to watch anything broadcast by your network. Who will go so far as to boycott your parent companies, Viacom and CBS Corporation. Ratings will drop. Profits will plummet. All because your company catered to “possible” threats by a group of people who don’t even represent the whole religion. Radical Islamic terrorists may be what people picture when someone says the word, “Muslim.” But they do not own the entire religion. They do not control the entire Muslim world. Much less hold as much sway as people tend to believe. In fact, your catering to terrorist demands only gives them more power. Because people, of all shapes, kinds, and faiths, respect persons they consider to have authority.

You have essentially told the world that Muslim terrorists have power. And then proved it.

By trying to not offend these terrorists, you have only added fuel to the fire that burns within them. They now know that if you dip a toe into a pool of water they do not like, they but have to yell “BOO” and you will jump six feet into the air and run away screaming.

Have you no shame? Speak of security concerns all you please, men and women have died overseas fighting for Democracy, to give real, unaltered Freedom a chance in places that lacked any such rights before. They fight so others may share in our right to express ourselves in any way we wish. Yes, sometimes words can cause violence; yes, sometimes there are repercussions for what we say, but where is your right to deem censorship the path to fix these problems? No good ever results from censorship, as you can well see now. Your company will suffer, your network will suffer, perhaps not as much as it rightly deserves, but it will still feel the bite of those who fight for Freedom of Speech, and never against it.

You see, what we understand and you do not, is that everyone must stand by their words. The creators of South Park themselves wrote, created, and produced episodes 200 and 201 exactly as they wanted it to be. They were willing to make compromises, and censored the image of Muhammad– not out of respect for Muslims, but because they knew it would only be rejected if they didn’t– and you took it the next step out of your own fear, not theirs. They sent it to you in a form and shape they were willing to stand by, whatever the consequences may be. And who in your company has the Magic 8 ball that gives the exact right answer every time? Who asks it ridiculous questions like, “Will airing Ep. 201 get us killed? Will it cause a riot we could be sued for?”

Where are your principles? If they were at your bottom line, you wouldn’t be alienating your rather expansive fan base by debasing a show that has always had the courage to say the hard stuff, in a way satiric, raunchy, and with a delicate touch of intelligence that does, in fact, reach people. Matt Stone and Trey Parker are no idiots. They do not produce a “dick and fart” joke show that does nothing but only poke fun at celebrities and weave ridiculous story lines together. They end nearly every episode with a moral. Not always a smart one, not always one that is touching and sincere, but they try to remind people that it’s just a show, and to take something positive from it.

In fact, you bleeped one of the few redeeming qualities of Ep. 201, where Kyle speaks of “what he learned today” and touches, pertinently so, on how it’s important to not cave into fear and intimidation. And sadly, I know no more than that because no one is allowed to know what Kyle, Jesus, and Santa Claus said to illuminate the purpose of the two episodes!

Benjamin Franklin once said, “Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

You have given up your liberties. You have shamefully given up the liberties of others. The actual creators were willing, whether courageous or stupid in their bravery, to stand by what they had made, whether it brought them harm or had far worse consequences. In the end, they were unashamed of what they had produced. They felt it held value and did more than just offend people. They have never been afraid talk about the issues no one else will discuss. That even the lauded “Family Guy” won’t seriously approach. And while a critic may not think they approach any topic seriously, they always have been and always will be willing to approach them. That is more than can be said for nearly every show on television. There is no other show that has gone full-force at nearly every seriously debated issue in the public limelight, with both a light heart and serious undertones that remind the world that nothing–nothing–is as serious as we sometimes think it is.

You all took the threat so seriously you were willing to give up your liberties for just a minor, brief sense of safety. You don’t deserve either.

People can say that Matt and Trey have not taken the threat as seriously as they could have, but perhaps they have it right, and all their detractors have it wrong. We cannot take every threat, every nasty dirty word, lobbed our way seriously, otherwise we would be nothing but broken bones and hearts lying cold in the street.

Sometimes, if you believe in yourself, in what you’re doing, you have to do it, no matter how many times someone says you’re wrong. Most especially when your country’s Bill of Rights guarantees you the ability and right to say what you need to say.

If you wish to become the Ministry of Truth, to alter history in favor of yourself, to appear as though you’ve never dared to offend anyone… excuse me, anyone you think could possibly harm you.. because we all know you have been ever willing to let South Park throw crap upon layer of crap on Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, Scientology, celebrities, racial stereotypes, homosexuals, transsexuals, and so on and so forth, because these groups will protest, but never threaten violence.. you do no more than expose your company for the coward it truly is. Sometimes there is risk involved in bravery, in speaking the truth about the hard issues that no one else is willing to talk about, but that’s what makes South Park the amazing show it is. There is always something controversial going on in South Park, and it opens the lines of communication for people to discuss these issues in way that allows us to approach it a little less seriously, which makes honest dialogue easier to come by.

So, to the commandants who manage Comedy Central, repeal your banishment of South Park’s 200th and 201st episodes. Let the world see them as they were meant to be seen. Do not trade your liberty for brief security, but stand tall in knowing that you are of few brave enough to speak the truth, to approach an issue loaded with fire on either side, and inject humor into the situation. Help people see the light, instead of fueling the flames on either side.

Through your actions you have not averted violence. You’ve extended its breeding ground. Keep in mind that many fans of South Park are US citizens, and these US citizens now have another reason to misinterpret the Islamic religion. The Muslims who raised but a few voices against you will only spread the word that only a few key words are necessary to bow the back of the great giant that is the United States of America.

Remember where your company resides. Remember where you live. Remember where you were born. Remember what your life as an United States citizen should mean, and stand by that!

Shanna Wynne

A former viewer, a fan of South Park, and a highly disappointed American Patriot

But… I am here now. And this is better than staring at Facebook wondering if I should bother seeding new crops on Farmville. The way Facebook has taken over my life…

So I’m sitting here right now… honestly, waiting for the clock to go round enough so I can wash the dye out of my hair…  (yeah, I do that sometimes… but only when the hubby’s made a point of saying “Shanna your roots are showing and their 3x lighter than the rest of your hair…” LOL) … thinking of what to blog about..

For me, this is like that meet and greet small talk at a work picnic for the spouse where you don’t know anybody. It’s been a while, I’m out of the habit (shameful!), and now… The weather has certainly been lovely lately here in Texas. It’s quit raining finally. (The first month we were here it seemed to rain every other day!) But now it’s warming up, our air conditioning went kaput, and the only cool air is in my home office. (ha! Encouragement to go write or what?)

Man. Look at all those typos. The atrocious format. Writing is long over due. I’m turning into one of those people who spends too much time writing like they’re in a chat room, or updating a social network status.

Although I do find it highly amusing that even without blogging regularly… at all… for months, I still get 10-20 views per day. That’s pretty sweet, actually. Does that mean I have some sort of audience? At the least, I’ll have to send Google a big thank you for finding ways to place my blog in search listings!

So here I am. For those wondering where I went, life whisked me away for a while. But I’m making my return.

I can’t think of anything funny, witty, or even entertaining to really add.

Tomorrow I’ll try to put something together more legible. How’s that?

The Lone Star State

I would’ve blogged sooner, but this last month of preparing, cleaning, packing, etc. has been a real doozy. The final transition is made this weekend. Soon after I will have my own personal office (which means lots of quiet time for writing!! hooray for that!!) and lots of distraction-less time. (Moving to a new place sorta does that.)

Anyway, the blog will be continued soon enough. With lots of new goodies in store!

Have a great Valentine’s Day, y’all! I’m a-gonna be moving that day, but it’s all good here.